A year ago if someone said that I would be married in a proper sit-down ceremony, I would have baulked.
A sit-down wedding has several memories & moods to it. Much of it is a mess or is at an ungodly hour with numerous loud people, kids high on sugar & the list is endless. If none of these tick any of your boxes then there is the arduous task of keeping someone in the bloodline happy by sitting in a cross-legged position for a ceremony that is not only commercialized but also incomprehensible & at times regressive. Not to forget the numbness in the legs that makes you feel like you are floating while you actually were completely grounded for almost 3 hours prior.
Cut to the chase, when we decided to marry we wanted to skip this entirely in exchange for a court marriage. There was no way we could have simplified or modified the wedding. Also, what about the ceremony being understood & enjoyed? There were strict rules & stereotypes that are to be followed & there is no other way out (or is it?).
Introducing: Jnana Prabodhini. A powerhouse of an organization that works for all things that you dreamed of but did not know about. Their work in modernizing religious ceremonies was refreshing & what surprised me immensely was that I had attended ceremonies conducted by them in the past as well (blame my lack of memory). To top it off, they had women, priestesses! Once we had heard (had my memory refreshed!) of them we picked up the phone. The rest was a dream.
We jointly proceeded to curate the ceremony blending together suggestions & recommendations. To start, the ceremony commences with a mutual understanding between the couple. As per the priestesses, once married (to quote) "one must observe together all the duties & sacrifices enjoined by the scriptures in the spirit of 'do good for all (well being for the world)". This positive beginning to the ceremony was in line with what we were doing even before we were married. We were getting wed with minimal wastage, optimal use of resources, no monetary exchanges & an assembly of those who love us & have seen us grow. This made us feel good right at the beginning as it was aligned with our beliefs.
In terms of promises & oaths, we did not want anything melodramatic but wanted some of our views and beliefs to be centric to what we say and do. Gender being of no consequence in household responsibility & women being equal to the man in society is what both of us believe in. We wanted this to echo in the hymns & verses being spoken. Equality hence was important for us as we were in fact living it ourselves. This is what we had wanted for our vows too. The lady priests proposed that the wedding vows essentially had us "promise to take care of, support & lead each other... in all manners that are equal". With this the core part of the hyms that we wanted as per our wishes were put in place.
We then proceeded to voice our objections to kanya-daan, mangal sutra & bidai rituals. They happily agreed to our point of view & mentioned that everything that we desired or not could be made part of or excluded from the wedding. They even incorporated some aspects of the Kashmiri wedding routine that we wanted to as we saw our union as an assimilation of cultures.
Flash forward, our wedding lasted an hour and 5 minutes with everyone participating in the rituals. Hymns were translated to plain speak, well wishers also chanted them as they were dictated by the priestesses and everyone felt involved in the ceremony.
What more could one want to feel blessed. : )
PS: The Sanskrit term for a wife is grhini, which means the owner of the house, whereas the term for husband, grhastha, means a mere resident of the house : )
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